Therapy for the things that are hard to say.
London and online across the UK.
Therapy for the things that feel hard to say
RELATIONSHIPS AND SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES
Relationship and psychosexual therapy — a compassionate space for the conversations that can feel tricky - even with ourselves.
Most relationships don't struggle because they lack love. They struggle because somewhere along the way, patterns that intend to protect the self, can have unintended consequences within the relationship.
what i help with
I work with couples and individuals on:
-
Recurring arguments and the patterns underneath them
-
Intimacy and desire — including mismatched desire, and desire that has gone quiet
-
Sexual difficulties — including vaginismus, erectile difficulties, pain, anxiety around sex, and difficulties following harm or trauma
-
Building sexual confidence, and discovering your sexual self
-
The impact on a relationship when one partner's sexual behaviour has felt out of control (the individual work on this lives on its own page — see Compulsive sexual behaviour & pornography use)
-
Rebuilding trust and closeness after rupture
What defines this work
Two things define this work. First, it is consent-led: nothing is discussed before you're ready, and no one is ever put on the spot. Second, it is shame-aware: sexual difficulties are among the most self-critical territories in human life, and criticising yourself about sex is the most reliable way to make things worse — because the body cannot feel threatened and open at the same time. Much of this work is about making sex and intimacy a place where you find pleasure, play and connection.
You don't need a partner — or a relationship at all — to do this work. A great deal of what I see is individual: people carrying difficulties with desire, arousal or pain; anxiety about sex or about their bodies; questions about sexuality or identity; the after-effects of an experience that shaped how safe intimacy feels; or a sense of being disconnected from a part of themselves. Some are single and want to understand their patterns before the next relationship; some are in relationships but would rather begin on their own. We work at your pace, building understanding and self-compassion, so that intimacy — with a partner, or first of all with yourself — can feel less like something to manage and more like something you're allowed to have.
All relationship structures, orientations and identities welcome. Affirming, non-judgemental, and comfortable with whatever you need to bring — this is also an area of my published clinical research.
What is psychosexual therapy?
Psychosexual therapy brings two things together: the depth of psychological therapy — how your feelings, history, relationships and self-criticism shape you — and the focus of sex therapy, which works directly with sexual difficulties like desire, arousal, pain and confidence. Rather than treating your mind and your sexual self as separate things, we work with how they influence each other: how anxiety, shame or past experiences show up in the body, and how what happens in intimacy loops back into how you feel about yourself. It's confidential talking therapy, at whatever pace feels safe — with sex treated as a normal, important part of being human rather than the one subject therapy quietly avoids. For many people, simply having somewhere they can finally say these things out loud, without embarrassment being mirrored back at them, is where the change begins.
practicalities
Sessions online across the UK or in person in London. We begin with a free consultation call. LGBTQIA+ affirming. Anti-racist and culturally humble reflective practice. A safe place to land, and talk openly about difference.